I’ve been blogging for a while – that is I’ve been sharing the book reviews I do and the author Q&As. This is different. This is just for me in a sense.
It’s been three and a half years since Jen died and despite the anti-depressants and support from friends and family I realise that I’m still struggling in a way that is not helpful for my own mental health or general well-being. So one of my decisions of the past week is (no, not counselling – I just can’t) but to try and talk myself through some of my difficulties, sorrows, worries, joys, despair – well, you get it Self.
Jen, that is Jennifer, was/is my youngest daughter. She died on 11th March 2015 and I held her hand as she slipped away while I wept and raged and mentally beat myself up. She was 34 and a beautiful woman with so much to give and so much to live for. Her gorgeous child, Kysha, was 3 weeks shy of her 10th birthday and it was without doubt the single most pain-filled time of my life. That sorta sounds lame – in fact it doesn’t come close to expressing the depth of my anguish then……..or now. There is not a single day that goes by without me thinking of her – and by now, some of those are without tears, but really the tears and overwhelming grief is always just below the surface and the pain often as keen as it was that first day. I miss you so much Jen x.